| Oh sweetheart..... |
[05 Oct 2006|04:30pm] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
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music |
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Dope/Psyclon Nine/Wednesday 13/Dimmu Borgir |
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A bullet in your head is how I want it
Your body on the floor -- a Kodak moment
You're a waste of air and a waste of space
I want sharp objects to fly into your face
I hate you now more than I ever did
I wanna kill you, dig you up and do it again
I want a car to run over your head
Put it in reverse and do it again
I would be lying if I said that it wasn't true
I only want bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want very bad things to happen to you
It would be really great if you drowned in a lake
Or put a bag over your face and watched you suffocate
I'd celebrate at your wake, I'd bake myself a cake
'Cause you're my favorite person that I love to hate
And you're the reason that murder should be legalized
If it was, you'd be dead and in the ground by five
Just in case I forgot to say --
I hate you motherfucker in the very worst way
And I would be lying if I said that it wasn't true
I only want bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want very bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want very bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want bad things to happen to you
I want very bad things to happen to you
I don't need your forgiveness
I don't need your hate
I don't need your acceptance
So what should I do
I don't need your resistance
I don't need your prayers
I don't need your religion
I don't need a thing from you
I don't do what I've been told
Your so lame why don't you
Just go
Die mother fucker die mother fucker die
I don't need your prison
I don't need your pain
I don't need your decision
So what should I do
I don't need your approval
I don't need your hope
I don't need your lectures
I don't need a thing from you
I'll be sorry when I'm old
You're so full of shit man
Just go
Die mother fucker die mother fucker die
Boom
I don't need your forgiveness
I don't need your hate
I don't need your acceptance
So what should I do
I'll be sorry so you've said
I'm not sorry
Bang You're Dead
Die mother fucker die mother fucker die
Die
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| Oh my fucking god it's working! |
[10 Sep 2006|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Dope-Die Motherfucker Die |
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Hehehe Sweetheart, I know you are entitled to your opinions, but you see hon, I'm a bitch, and you're afraid of me. That's my advantage. So stop talking shit before this all gets worse for you....oh wait, it will anyway! *giggles* YOU caused your own downfall, I just made it happen faster. You white trailer trash piece of shit, just because you're fat, have saggy tits that scrape your knees, and you're just flat out hideous doesn't mean that you have to bitch. Just accept it. I'm better than you, remember admitting is the first step to recovery darling. I'm everything you wish you were. Congratulations you dumb whoreish motherfucker. You have caused the one thing that will insure you a lifetime of hatred. Oh shit, that's right, you're a stupid slut and you don't know. Tsk tsk, I told you from the beginning, you fucked with the wrong person. Don't even try. Oh but you know you're afraid, you admitted it, and I have proof of you're nastiness; you and you're nasty pussy can go to hell. Oh even he's said he's turned off by you because of not only your fat and the way you look, but also by that fact that you've got oh let's say 'problems in the crotch area'. ONe word.....EWWWWWWWWWWWW. Sorry you can't be like me, but *sigh* I can't help it if you dream about how "I wish I looked like her god I would give everything!!!!" You sad fat ugly slut. Just stop being so emo and putting it on myspace so that random people and those that you think are friends will comment, which they don't, cause they don't give a flying fuck. I know you wanna be like me hon, but you can't because you know what, I'M SO FUCKING FABULOUS I PISS GLITTER AND SHIT STARDUST YOU SKANKY ASS GOTH WANNABE SLUT. I know everything, how could you think you could lie through your teeth without me finding out? :( Awww sucks for you. Well now that I'm satisfied that you get the message, and no it's not a threat sweetie, I know you're utterly hopeless, a waste of space and air, and are mentally challenged, so here's me spelling it out to you. Are you going to go cry to mommy and daddy who give you everything? Probably. Oh well not my problem. Thanks for bringing your ridiculous drama into my world. But you should have known that you would suffer the consequences. Let's just say I'm waiting for it.
End of rant. By the way, can I just say that I'm the happiest bitch the the world.
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[16 Jul 2006|07:10pm] |
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mood |
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dead |
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music |
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Beethoven-Moonlight Sonata |
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My life is officially ruined. I'm checking myself into Lakeside sometime this week because otherwise I''m going to commit suicide. I can't think, breathe, or eat, when I do eat, I throw up everything on purpose. I have nothing anymore. I once had a life, but no more. I''m lucky to be around people right now otherwise I wouldn't be fucking living right now. Do not call me because I will not answer. Do not check up on me because I won''t care. If I don't make it to lakeside, oh well. No one will give a shit anyway. That's what happens when you have been treated like shit for years. There's no point in living anymore is there? And no I'm not writing this because I want people to read it, it's because I need to write somewhere and I don't have my usual book to write in. I've lost everything for one person, and now they HATE me. I'm sick of this. Loving someone, when they don't love you in return. All I wanted was to be happy, and I never will be. I'm quitting my job and then I'll see what happens from there. I've lost the two things in my life that coulde have ever given me happiness. One being my ballet and the other one being him....I hate everything about my life, I want to fucking slit my own throat right now, but unfortunately there are people around. That would save you the trouble of ever having to see my face again. Who knew one person could ruin a person and bring them to the point of insanity and suicide? No one deserves this. Especially me, who puts everyone's happiness before mine. I''m in rehab, and i''''m either going to ensure the rest of my life locked up or I;'m going to overdose. Fuck everything. Fuck everyone. But thanks to the people who tried to help me. Sorry I didn't listen, I'm sorry for everything.
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| So.... |
[21 Jan 2006|05:39pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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Zeromancer/Dimmu Borgir/Dir en Grey |
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| .......... |
[20 Jan 2006|12:23am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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HIM-When Love and Death Embrace |
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Oh dear god what now....
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| Oh my god! |
[18 Jan 2006|09:08am] |
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mood |
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cynical |
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music |
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Before I'm Dead-Kidneythieves |
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm going to court!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Over what you ask? Over a blog that I posted on myspace about some bitch living in my dorms. Mind you when I have problems with people, and I talk shit, I ONLY SPEAK THE FUCKING TRUTH. I'm not a liar. Bring it on bitch. Ever heard of something like freedom of speech? lol. Big big mistake. You are so funny really, going to court over a damn myspace blog; that I wrote months ago! Still not over it are we sweetie? haha. Oh my what a way to start the day.
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| Lately |
[16 Jan 2006|03:30am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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Interview with the Vampire Soundtrack |
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I've been thinking about so many things. Some which I can't deal with mentally, I feel like I'm going back into that hole I dug for myself a few years ago. I hated being like that, I did, I can't stand it. I don't want to cry all day and night, I don't want to be depressed. I want to be happy for once.
When I was in that relationship last year, I was happy, or so I thought, I did so much for one person and he gave me nothing in return. It was not true happiness or love. I want to experience that for once in my life. How can you care so much for one person and get no love, respect, or appreciation in return? All I have to give is love. I am a loyal, trustworthy, passionate person.... I only ask for one thing. But it's the oldest rule in the book isn't it? I want what I cannot have.
I thought moving up here to Orlando may have been good for me, to start in a new place and not worry about all the shit I left in Miami....But I was wrong, I need to get away. I don't want to move back there though, not ever. I want so many things that I know I'll never have, and I feel so sad because I actually have come to terms with it....somewhat. I am no longer quite the same as I once was. I learned a lesson yes, but I can no longer be so trusting of people. He ruined me from the moment we first spoke....
I want a boyfriend who will love me, for who I am, who will support me in everything and who will not treat me like I'm a piece of meat with a fuckin pussy. I want to be treated like A NORMAL HUMAN BEING! I want to be able to wake up to his face every day and never tire of it. I want him to tell me I'm beautiful even when I look like shit and have eyeliner and mascara dripping off my face.... I want to be loved.
Maybe it's the pills that are making me moody, but right now I need them. I don't know any other way.
I want to look like this.....
I want to BE this....
I wish I could be all of these things but I'm not. Ballerina....yes, but I'm not as skinny or beautiful as she. I would give up everything to be on my toes for the rest of my life. I, unfortunately was not one of the chosen ones. I will always do ballet, for as long as I can walk, I will dance. Yes I have been in professional productions, but I will never be a Prima Ballerina Assoluta.
**************And Brandon, if your reading this, which you probably are because your psycho like thatand I know you just love hacking into people's shit and violating their privacy,( and probably still want to slit my throat), even though I'm not feeling the best right now, I still feel better than I ever did with you. I would rather slit my wrists than ever go back to that hellhole of lies, betrayals, and tricks that you called a relationship.*****************************
I have a feeling I won't be staying here to much longer, maybe it's for the best. Sometimes leaving things behind and forgetting is the best thing to do....
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| Oh god |
[13 Jan 2006|12:02am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Zeromancer-Bloodmusic |
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Let's see today was quite uneventful, except I'm learning more and more french which I'm excited about because I've always wanted to learn it. It's so romantic! Of course, it would be great if a really hot guy came up to me and started talking in french, but at least now I can understand him when he does appear! So other than that, bought some stuff, wired on lack of sleep and cigarettes, and oh yea Megs poked me with her pink plastic penis....I nearly cried....why I ask myself?! WHY?! Why are my roommates on crack?
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| THIS SHIT WILL FUCK YOU UP. |
[09 Jan 2006|10:40pm] |
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mood |
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happy for once |
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music |
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HIM-Resurrectioj |
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So last night was the Dead Puppets/Lunatic Candy Kreep show. It fucking kicked ass. Dead Puppets are really good, I actually got to here them this time. Sweeeet. So first I went to Kristin's apartment to finish getting ready, I drove all of us( me, Carah, and Kristin) to the Blue Room. I honestly had so much fun dancing and being crazy last night. It's a bloody miracle that I didn't fall off the speaker because I definatley pictured myself falling on my ass and then everyone laughing at me, of course I would have laughed too, but just really embarrassed at the same time. I haven't had that much fun at a show in a while. It sucks that I don't have pics though.... :( Alcohol helped of course, even though I was the designated driver hehe. But I had so much damn fun. Both Dead Puppets and LCK were amazing. I got to chill with Rayvan<3for a bit(hope your eye feels better lovely) and Dave <3 and ahem I was not drunk, just tipsy. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to drop people off after or get home so there. I was swaying but uhhhhhhhhhh whatever. After that I dropped Carah, Kristin, and Maus back to Kristin's apartment. Such a fun fun night. xoxo
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| ..... |
[03 Jan 2006|02:29am] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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Soundtrack-Interview with the Vampire |
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You will linger on, in darkness and in doubt, like nightfall in winter that comes without a star; here you will dwell, bound to your grief, until all the world is changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent....
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[25 Dec 2005|02:48pm] |
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mood |
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cynical |
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music |
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Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack |
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Yes I won you stupid prick. I always get away with...."murder" hehe. THat's right, you don't fuckin know me bitch. Oh and by the way, you think you broke my heart but you can't break a heart that wasn't whole to begin with.
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| FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PATHETIC LOSER.... |
[15 Dec 2005|05:26am] |
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mood |
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cynical |
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music |
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Interview with the Vampire Soundtrack |
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SO YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME DOWN WITH YOUR DESTRUCTIVE SELF? HUH YOU HAVE KNOW FUCKING CLUE WHO THE FUCK YOU'RE DEALING WITH. YOU'RE A HIGH SCHOOL DROP OUT AND A FUCKING COLLEGE DROP OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD IT DOESN'T EVEN GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT. AND IT WASN'T EVEN REAL SCHOOL YOU FUCKING DUMBASS. NOW REALLY, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK YOU CAN GET TO ME? YOUR PITIFUL. LEARN THIS LESSON WELL LITTLE BOY, GROW THE FUCK UP AND GET YOURSELF A LIFE. YOU MAKE ME SICK. THREATENING ME? GO RIGHT AHEAD. AND I'M BEING IMMATURE AND NAIVE? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S DECIDED TO START SHIT. HAHA I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU FUCKING TRY. YOU ARE DEFINATELY THE MOST WORTHLESS, USELESS, MOST UNINTELLIGABLE BITCH I'VE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. I DO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO EVERYONE ABSOLUTELY DETESTS. SEE WHERE TRYING TO ''START A WAR WITH ME'' GETS YOU. HAH AND I DO TAKE PRIDE IN KNOWING I'M A BETTER FUCKING PERSON THAN YOU AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
YOU WERE NEARLY ON YOUR KNEES BEGGING FOR ME TO COME BACK....SHOULD I RESEND YOUR PATHETIC EMAILS TO WHICH ALL OF MY FRIENDS HAVE FOUND HILARIOUSLY SAD? AND THEN YOU CRYING LIKE A FUCKING FAG ON THE PHONE? OH THAT WAS THE BEST PART, IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME NOT TO BURST OUT LAUGHING. AWW AND LOOK AT YOU, TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT BY SAYING HOW UGLY AND FAT I AM? REALLY, IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? NO NO DARLING, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SPENT SO MUCH TIME WITH ME IF I WAS. IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? GIVE ME DEGRADING COMMENTS ABOUT MY LOOKS? OH YES AND THEN BY TRYING TO YOU A 'BIG WORD' LIKE FASCADE? *SNORTS* OH GOD I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR TRYING TO ACT SMART BUT IT DOESN'T FOOL ME.
AND I WOULD MAKE THIS JOURNAL FRIENDS ONLY SO I CAN HAVE SOME PRIVACY BUT NO, YOU NEVER GAVE ME THAT DID YOU. NO, I KNOW YOU'LL GO THROUGH MY PHONE RECORDS AND GET MY PASSWORD AND TRY AND GET ME FOR SOMETHING. ANOTHER PATHETIC AND NOT TO MENTION PSYCHOTIC ATTEMPT. YOU KNOW SOMETHING, I DON'T REGRET EVERYTHING, BECAUSE BEING WITH YOU BRANDON WERRY HAS TAUGHT ME NOW TO AVOID SELF DESTRUCTIVE, INSECURE, ABUSIVE FUCKS LIKE YOURSELF. UNFORTUNATELY I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY BUT HEY, THAT'S LIFE RIGHT?
SO NOW I'LL SAY THIS, IT'S BEST NOT TO TRY AND GET WORKED UP OVER SOMETHING THAT YOU WILL NEVER ACCOMPLISH. LIKE I SAID, GROW UP LITTLE BOY, GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT AND TRY NOT TO LET SOME OTHER POOR GIRL GET IN THE SAME POSITION I WAS. AND LET ME TELL YOU, YOU'LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER GIRL LIKE ME, I WAS JUST TO GOOD FOR YOU, YOU WEREN'T EVEN CLOSE TO DESERVING ME. SO YOU STUPID REDNECK PIECE OF SHIT. ENJOY ALL OF THIS, FOR IT WILL BE SHORTLIVED. I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL ASSHOLE.
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| Look it's me. |
[14 Dec 2005|04:28pm] |
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mood |
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bitchy |
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music |
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Covenant-We stand alon |
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Show me some love. <3333333333
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| Holy crap |
[12 Dec 2005|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Wumpscut-Christfuck |
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I <3 The Chronicles of Narnia.....
Thanks Darth MallRat lmao. I heart you too.
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| I feel.... |
[08 Dec 2005|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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Tchaikovsky-The Swan Lake Ballet, Op. 20 Pas d' Action |
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In love and lonely
In love and lonely
I'm not with you, my baby
Just to see you cry
I'm in love with you
Not the tears in your eyes
I can't remember
The last time you smiled
Oh, I know how it feels
I know what it's like
To be
In love and lonely
In love and lonely
Don't know what to do, my baby
It's not alright
This can't be the end
The time to say goodbye
No, I won't walk away that easy
After all this time
Oh, you know how it feels
You know what it's like
To be
In love and lonely
In love and lonely
Oh, you know how it feels
You know what it's like
You know how it is
But you just can't stop crying
In love and lonely
In love and lonely
In love and lonely
In love and lonely
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| Picture Post! |
[04 Dec 2005|02:19am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Combichrist-This Shit will Fuck You Up |
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So this weekend was weird, I got high finally, haven't been for a week. And I got my tongue pierced, spur of the moment of course. So these are just random pictures of me and michelle and er....stuff...
( THe )
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| I finally found a quote for myself and my feelings.... |
[01 Dec 2005|01:50am] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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Interview with the Vampire Soundtrack |
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You will linger on, in darkness and in doubt, like nightfall in winter that comes without a star; here you will dwell, under the fading trees, bound to your grief, until all the world is changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent....
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| I'm sorry.... |
[26 Nov 2005|11:17pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
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music |
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Interview with the Vampire Soundtrack |
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I'm sorry, I can't....I need to think about things. I just need to be me right now. I can't do this anymore, especially right now. Whatever happens, happens.
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| Why? |
[14 Nov 2005|02:38pm] |
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mood |
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emotionless |
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music |
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HIM-Darklight |
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Nothing can explain the pain I'm going through right now. I thought I was good enough, but apparently not. Contradictions and hypocracy. I've never felt so hurt and betrayed in my life. I thought I meant something. Maybe I'm nothing after all. That's what it has always come down too.
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sacrack_whore's journal
